Lulu's Lullaby
by Blackfire 18
Summary: Staying in Guadosalam for the night, Lulu becomes restless to see the faces she had not seen in years on the Farplane, and tragically she remembers the last time she saw her mother and father alive. She is intercepted by another guardian upon her return.


**Lulu's Lullaby**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X or any of the characters there within. They are all property of Square…**

It had always been hers. A secret as sacred as the teachings of Yevon; and the last existing bond between her and her mother. She had never thought all those years ago that she would share it with anyone else, but Yuna had been different. Yuna awoke the maternal instinct within the mage she did not know she possessed and the precious lullaby she and her mother had shared soon spilled from her lips like the gentle, swirling ebbs of a calm stream. Like her mother used to sing. The rise and fall of notes came to her as easily as breathing, and she was robbed of breath despite herself, having remembered after all those years (and vaguely embarrassed for having to sing at all).

Yuna requested the song without fail for months after her arrival when she suddenly stopped asking the mage to sing it for her. What precisely brought about the change, Lulu had never been sure; perhaps the younger girl was contented enough, stabilized by the small group of friends surrounding her, or simply interested in larger things, like the temple clergy. Whatever the cause, Lulu did miss that special time the two would share together those quiet evenings in the hut.

Now here she was, in an ever-expanding group of seven, sitting at the edge of a bed within the floral scented room of Guadosalam. She shared the room with Yuna and Rikku, the newest addition to their company. The cheery, young blonde-haired girl happened to be a relative of Yuna's. Six guardians to a single summoner. Lulu would not have imagined it possible, yet here they all were. And while seven made for an easy fight, there was much ado about how to spend the night. But surely when Wakka said 'The more the merrier', he did not stop to think how difficult it would be to house so many people while on pilgrimage, or the potential hazard of keeping certain nationality affiliation from a former blitzball captain.

Lulu was not dismayed by the newest addition, no, Rikku was a sweet girl, never mind she was an Al Bhed; and having a cousin along the journey may brighten Yuna's spirits. The summoner had been acting rather unusual lately.

The mage furtively glanced at her charge and saw a tiredness in the girl's eyes that had not been present before. Lulu had a vague suspicion that the Farplane had caused a minor relapse in the girl's demeanor. While the mage entirely blocked any images of loved ones from escaping to her conscious thought, Yuna had almost immediately called her parents from the depths to the waiting clouds of pyreflies. An unsettling intuition told Lulu that Yuna had summoned an ache from that call of memories still tender to the touch.

But still the summoner did her best to smile and accept all of Rikku's incessant coddling and fussing over of her hair and clothing, to catching up on all that had transpired since last they had seen each other.

Lulu sat by, still and silent and intent on their conversation; serving as both means to gauge Yuna's wellbeing and Rikku's buoyant behavior as guardian. There were a few instances where the blonde girl would cast a curious glance toward the mage and smile shyly, hopeful for a friendship that had not yet formed. Lulu would smile softly for each cautious inspection to put the girl at ease, so she need not glance over every two minutes.

It was when Yuna's fatigue grew too great to respond coherently to Rikku's boundless optimistic chatter that Lulu stepped in and suggested the three of them rest before the journey tomorrow. The Al Bhed girl reluctantly agreed and settled under the covers to the small bed she had all to herself, while Yuna rose and joined Lulu on the bed they would share. The mage lightly patted the open space beside her and wrapped her arm around Yuna's shoulders as she sat. The girl smiled, but said nothing, and Lulu did not force her. They sat together in silence for a long moment until Lulu gave her charge a gentle squeeze as a sign they should follow Rikku's example and go to sleep.

But before Lulu could move to stand, Yuna had tilted toward the guardian and laid her head on Lulu's lap. Surprised at the action, Lulu did not affirm or deny it, and simply stared inquiringly at the girl until she slowly began to stroke Yuna's hair. Another moment passed by in silence where Yuna seemed to do nothing more than absorb the different type of fussing over until she spoke.

"Lulu," she said softly, "would you sing your lullaby for me?"

A request that had not been made in years. Lulu silently affirmed her speculations that Yuna dearly missed her family and the mage had been made into surrogate mother once again. The noble role Lulu had masqueraded as a twelve-year-old. The role she should not have to had played for the orphaned child that was now poised so delicately on her lap.

Lulu glanced at Rikku, the young girl had turned away from them and appeared to be sleeping peacefully enough. The sudden uncertainty troubled Lulu as the instinctual rush of childhood filled her; she only wanted to share her song with her cherished little sister. And what was not bothered by selfish preference was filled with embarrassment. What if Rikku heard?

Even as the thoughts stormed in the woman's mind, Yuna's head weighed in her lap and the request doubly so in the open air, that she found herself humming the intuitive tune as though her own soul had risen through her throat; subtle, sonorous, and intense. As she hummed, she gently drew her fingernails over Yuna's temple and catching the loose brown strands, tucked them behind the girl's ear; all the while infusing the touch with a sleeping spell that Wakka had taught her. Yuna grew heavier in her lap and the lullaby lapsed into silence.

Lulu shifted enough for Yuna to lie fully on the bed and she could stand. She smiled fondly down at the girl, the spell had settled over the brunette for the full night's rest that Lulu hoped for. The woman glanced over at the Al Bhed girl and murmured another sleep spell, her fingers dancing in the air. Her heart leapt in her chest when the blonde's shoulder's visibly fell. The girl had been awake. The shock was quickly consumed by a rising mortification which Lulu did her best to swallow and ignore the burn that followed in her chest afterward.

She considered casting a third spell for herself, but immediately rejected the idea; that particular spell tended to backfire when cast on the caster. There were ominous tales all over Spira that when such an act was performed, it would send the caster into a deep sleep; something akin to death. Unfortunately, the woman was now spiked with restlessness as visions of her mother pervaded her mind. What she had just shared with Yuna was heart wrenchingly similar to the last night Lulu had seen her mother.

It would be difficult to sleep now.

Lulu knew exactly what she wanted to do, but was hesitant to act on it. The nostalgic yearning was winning over her better judgment to stay and rest, and her legs were already carrying her toward the door. She made her way out of the inn, nodding politely to the clerk at the desk who appeared curious to where she was going this time of night, but did not intervene as Lulu stepped out into the open air.

The lights of Guadosalam had been dimmed to a muted glow, enough for the tired traveler to find their way to the inn or to the pyrefly haven above. There were only a few awake at this hour and any responsible guardian would have been hard-pressed not to rest at a decent hour, but Lulu's longing made her throw caution to the wind as she followed the winding trail towards the Farplane.

Once or twice she had the impression she was being followed, but she pushed the unfounded suspicion from her mind to focus on the path before her.

Entering the film hovering over the Farplane, Lulu was surprised at its unusual chill; perhaps with the fall of evening the sacred area grew colder. She strode towards the spot she had stood only a few hours ago and stared out over the plane, hesitant even at this last moment to release the carefully guarded memories for the pyreflies to devour. She inhaled deeply and shut her eyes, allowing the visions of her mother to come unbidden.

A wisp of air, hot and frigid at once, caressed her cheek in a slithering slide as it floated by. The pyreflies were responding to the call. Lulu found herself biting her lower lip as her eyes nervously genuflected beneath their lids. Her chest was tight; she couldn't breathe. She was…afraid of what she might see.

Slowly, very slowly, she cracked her eyes open and they flew wide at what she saw. Everything froze for a split second as her breath caught in her throat.

Her reflection.

She was looking at herself, with only a few minor differences. The woman across from her had a few faint lines at the corners of her eyes and her nose was upturned slightly. Her long, wavy raven hair was entirely free and fell gracefully over one shoulder and her clothing more traditional of the black mage profession. But despite these small differences, they shared the same face, the same body, the same eyes.

The torrent of memories swept across Lulu's vision.

* * *

The sun was setting over Bevelle, casting an orange-pink glow over the horizon. The city streets held less traffic than they had earlier in the day, though a hustle of business still filled the air. In a quieter part of the city sat a row of comfortable little houses lined with bushes in full bloom. A beautiful woman with long black hair and red eyes stepped out from one of the houses, lifting her elegant black skirts trimmed in leather braids. She raised a hand to her mouth.

"Lulu, darling, come back inside."

A little raven haired girl perked up at her mother's call and left her studious investigation of the pretty flowers adorning the bushes on one side of the house and hurried back to the door, dragging her little moogle behind her. Her wavy, dark hair that fell just past her shoulders, bounced with each step and her little black shoes clacked on the warm pavement. She clasped the stuffed animal to her chest when she reached her mother and hopped into the doorway.

"Oh dear, you're bow came loose. How do you manage to get so messy?" Her mother fussed and gently tightened the pink bow on her daughter's head, then deftly rubbed away a smudge of dirt on the young girl's cheek. "We have to look nice now; your father's friend has come to visit and he'll be staying for dinner. You go change and wash up, go on." Lulu nodded and moved forward at her mother's persistent push. A new dress was waiting on her bed and she quickly dressed into it and washed her face. She skipped back out into the hallway, her moogle still in tow.

"There is my darling little girl! My, you look like such a lady," her father swept her up into his arms and pressed a kiss to Lulu's cheek; the same one that had had the smear of dirt on it. Her father was a handsome man with jet black hair, disarming brown eyes, and an easy smile "And how is 'Mog today?"

"Good." Lulu giggled.

"That's good then, eh? What's that you say Mog?" he listened carefully to the stuffed animal and nodded solemnly a few times. "I think he would like to do a dance for you, Lulu." The little girl squealed in delight as her father placed her back down and Lulu did likewise to Mog, knowing full well what was coming. She gazed intently as her moogle stood up and bowed to his owner for another squeal and an excited clap of her hands. Mog sashayed to one side and back again, turned an elegant spin and hopped into the air, swaying to some unheard tune. No sooner had the stuffed animal rose its arms in finish was he swept back up into Lulu's arms and hugged tightly.

"Where _does_ he learn to dance like that?" her father smiled.

"Ah, there you are. Lulu let me see how you look." Her mother had returned after having fixed her hair into an elaborate style of looping braids piled neatly behind her head held fast by two hair pins on one side, and knelt fondly before her daughter as the girl presented her new dress. The woman smoothed out a few wrinkles ruffling the edges of Lulu's gown. "Positively adorable." She cooed.

"You've always had fine taste in dresses, my dear." Lulu's father spoke above them both and her mother rose to meet him for an affectionate kiss. Lulu made a face, but said nothing about the yucky kissy-face when the entire family looked toward the rap at the door. "That will be Marcus."

Her father opened the door for his friend, a man that could easily have passed for her father's brother. He held a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a cane in the other, not for class, but to support his bad leg. An injury sustained during the war. Marcus offered the flowers to her mother which she accepted with a gracious smile and the four of them moved into the dining room where dinner waited. Her mother set the flowers in the vase at center and briefly arranged them before taking her seat, gentlemanly offered by her father.

The meal was a happy one if not somewhat strange. There seemed to be an intensity in the air that was not usually present when Marcus came to visit, but Lulu had not understood the adults worries as a carefree five-year-old. Still, the family indulged in expensive desserts and games for the evening and even allowed Lulu to stay up later than usual which effectively cleared her mind of any fear that something might have been wrong.

The girl was sad when the small celebration was interrupted by her parents concern to see her to sleep and they both escorted her to her room; another unusual occasion. Each of them hugged and kissed her good night and her mother tucked her under the covers. They only ever came together to wish her goodnight if they were both going out on business. And in her rising fear, Lulu gripped the edges of her sheets in two fists and sat upright.

"Are you going away?"

The surprise that flashed across her parent's faces became quickly composed once more and her mother smiled.

"Only for a little while, darling. We should be back in a few days. And Marcus will be here to take care of you, I know how much he spoils you." She narrowed her eyes teasingly and Lulu covered her mouth in a poor attempt to hide her guilty giggle. "So you will have to be a good girl for him and for us too." Her mother leaned forward and pressed her lips to her daughter's forehead. "I love you, darling." Then she tilted her head to one side for a kiss of her own which Lulu complied to and another one for her father when he mimicked for one of his own. When her mother pulled away, her eyes were shimmering and a chill settled around the girl's heart. She was still trying to understand what had just happened when the lights dimmed and the door to her bedroom closed.

Lulu pushed the carefully drawn up covers back and slid to the ground, tip-toeing toward her door that had been left open a crack. She peered through it down the hall where the three adults were talking softly. She strained to hear them.

"…wish I could be fighting alongside you, if not for this bum leg of mine."

That was Marcus.

"No, you do a greater service to us by protecting our daughter."

Her father. Marcus sighed.

"I just feel the coward standing on the sidelines while you risk your lives on the field."

"No one would doubt your valor had they seen the sacrifices you made in Operation Garuda. It is our duty as mages to stand for Yevon." Her mother. "We fight to protect those we love."

"Then I am undeserving."

Her father laid a hand on Marcus' shoulder.

"My friend, my brother. You honor us by looking after our only child, and I vow to destroy the beast that maimed you."

"We would be lost without your aid, Marcus."

"I don't know what I would do if anything should…" Marcus spoke as though he were choking on something.

"Should anything happen, you take her to Besaid." Her father said.

"Protect her at all costs." Said her mother. "That is all you can do for us."

Lulu couldn't stand it any longer. It sounded as though her parents intended never to return. She burst through her door, tears in her eyes, and ran to her mother's skirts, clinging to them tightly.

"Where are you going? Why are you leaving?" she cried as her mother picked her up and murmured reassurances that were nearly drowned by Lulu's panicked assault of questions. Her mother swept back into the small room and sat at the edge of Lulu's bed, calmly shushing and stroking her daughter's back. Her father stood in the doorway, anxious but seemingly unable to enter the room, as though barred by some invisible force. Marcus hovered a short distance behind him.

The sweet lilting tones of Lulu's favorite lullaby hung lightly in the air and the girl silenced her crying with her thumb to listen as her mother held her. All was silent in the world but for her mother's singing. The song was so simplistic, yet so tender as it wove through the young girl's mind and her eyelids grew heavy. A haze seemed to form around the room, a discovery Lulu would later find to be a sleeping spell her mother had cast on her.

The sweet lullaby seemed to echo within the darkness Lulu fell into as her eyes closed.

It was the last she would ever see of her mother again.

* * *

All three of them hovered before her eyes now. Her mother, her father, and Marcus; the man who had taken her to Besaid before he himself died from illness. They all blurred in her vision as tears slipped down her cheeks. She brushed the salty discharge away and the images of the three adults flickered and faded as she once again receded into herself; locking away the memories from conscious thought. This had been a mistake.

Why had she let her weakness drive her here? More angry with herself than mournful for what she had lost, Lulu settled back into a chilled composure, unable to completely distinguish the smolders of regret and grief, but at least she had the tremulous emotions under control once more.

Then, as though to test herself, the woman looked back out over the Farplane, but the pyreflies drifted idly by; there was nothing for them to summon from the depths.

Lulu exhaled the resolution and turned, she would not come back here again.

Wending her way back to the inn, Lulu was careful to keep her mind blank of all she had seen and remembered of the past and instead thought of what had to be done tomorrow.

Passing under the rock formation overhead, a splash of red shocked her to awareness. She looked sharply to her right. There, leaning casually against the rock just within the alcove, was none other than Sir Auron.

"You're up late." The man said without turning to face her, pausing long enough for Lulu to respond with a similar counter, but he interrupted her just before she spoke. "And here I thought the most responsible of us would set the positive example."

Lulu was unsure if she had just been complimented or reproached.

"I couldn't sleep." She said, and it was a half-truth. The woman crossed her arms now that she was able to inquire for his reasons being up late. "I would assume you've suffered the same insomnia?"

"_I_ could not sleep," he said, stressing the first word, "while you were awake for a purpose." He looked at her through his sunglasses for the first time since they spoke. "You came from the Farplane.

The feeling of being pursued and faint footsteps echoing hers as she entered the Farplane returned to Lulu with a force. Her eyes narrowed.

"You were following me." Auron simply watched her and Lulu suddenly felt self-conscious under the scrutiny. She paused as long as she dared for his reply, but when none came she continued. "If you knew my intent, then why did you not stop me before I reached the Farplane, or call me back from it when I entered?"

Still Auron was silent, and now Lulu was watching him with careful scrutiny. Perhaps he was being the gentlemen by not intruding on her privacy on the Farplane, or maybe he did not follow her within was for the same reason he had not joined them all earlier that day. It was almost as though something was barring him from entering the holy place. But what?

Maester Seymour had said something very odd to Sir Auron as well, what was it? 'The scent of the Farplane?' Lulu had wondered what the Maester meant by it, but did not bother with the statement until the party entered the Farplane, and he stayed behind. True, Rikku had not come as well, but here again Auron had not followed thru to the Farplane.

All that had happened earlier on their journey was trying to make sense in her mind.

And Auron seemed to sense it. He stepped towards her.

"Something you saw there upset you."

The abrupt change of subject effectively caught Lulu off guard. How could he have discerned her distress? Perhaps the tear trails left in the wake of her fading family had not been as dried as she thought. The mage turned her head to one side, hiding her face behind a curtain of raven hair and speaking in a calm, even tone.

"It's nothing."

Auron too glanced away, as though studying the Farplane through the levels of rock above them. He shifted the arm resting idly in the sleeve of his yukata.

"It is good to remember the past, but unwise to become trapped in it. I do not believe you to be the type of person who would pay homage to old hurts unnecessarily, but your late night visit may prove otherwise." He paused and gazed back at the woman across from him, who stared at him intently with that single crimson eye. "I hope the visit was for closure and not to open old wounds."

Had Lulu somehow unconsciously sown her heart on her sleeve and let him read every page within it? She wondered if the man had actually followed her into the Farplane and witnessed everything. The thought made her stomach flutter. His gaze on her suddenly felt like fire; he had struck so close to the heart of the matter—like he had read her mind. With the fire came a torrent of fresh grief. She turned her back to Sir Auron so she was facing the Guado Mansion; the home of the past Maester Jyscal and sighed. She shut her eyes and shook her head lightly, the pins in her hair tinkling softly as she clasped her arms close to her body.

"I…I wanted to see her again. I wanted to see if I could even remember correctly, if at all. And I did…a little too well."

The mage found she could not continue and she struggled once more to master her emotions, pushing away the memories of her mother and father that rose so easily to the forefront of her mind. A hand fell on her open shoulder and she looked in surprise to the older guardian. Her crimson eyes shimmered in the pale light and the shoulder beneath his hand trembled very faintly, as though to sustain any misery from surfacing. He had never seen the mage look so vulnerable.

Lulu waited to be admonished for the slip in her usually meticulous conduct, or scolded for her childish behavior; even lectured for her shortcomings. Surely anything Sir Auron had to say would hold some merit of truth and relevance.

Silently she waited for him to speak.

He simply watched her for a long moment; the leather glove was cool on her shoulder.

"I understand."

The statement took her aback. His gravelly voice did not quite achieve the softness he alluded to, but it affected her all the same. A tremulous shiver seized the base of her spine and her heart tightened in her chest. The woman had not felt closer to the grizzled guardian by the uttering of those two simple words.

_I understand._

And though she could not see his face hidden behind the high collar, she could hear the note of solemnity in his voice.

"Even the strongest of us desire to remember the past. I am no different. It is what we choose to do with our memories that set us apart; it is how we choose to live our lives when our most cherished have departed to the realm above us." He nodded towards the Farplane and returned his gaze back to the woman. "And you, Lulu, have chosen to live on, and that is what makes you strong. Do not regret that you have such memories to hold dear. What may appear a burden could well be a purpose to move forward. We carry on the memory of those who have fallen; that is what I live for." His hand dropped back to his side as he inclined his head for the mage to bestow this knowledge to her. Lulu humbly nodded her own acceptance. "Now," the older guardian cleared his throat and Lulu mused she could hear a smile in his tone. "I believe it time for a fellow guardian to get her rest. We cross the Thunder Plain come morning and I don't think a jolt of lightening is the most favorable means to rouse a drowsy guardian."

Lulu smiled at the sly hint and stepped forward with a hand outstretched.

"Thank you, Sir Auron."

Auron accepted her hand, but did not shake it as she expected; instead, he surprised her by catching her fingers and bowing over her knuckles. The familiar flutter rose in her abdomen again, but for a different reason as his good eye watched her over the silver rim of his sunglasses. When he straightened again, he did not release her immediately, as though to test how long he could keep her captive before she resisted. It seemed like he had more to say, but the moment passed and he relinquished the hold.

The mage stifled her curiosity for the blatant suggestion to return to the inn and she began to walk towards it. Not five steps in her journey did she pause and turn back to the red cloaked guardian that now faced the alcove that led out to the plains.

"Are you not going to rest?" she asked.

"As you recall," he spoke gruffly, all stone and mortar once more, though missing the distinct edge Lulu had come to recognize, "I am not tired."

"I believe those lightening bolts are destined to wake another guardian come morning." She said, one hand at her hip and eyebrow raised.

"Good night, Lulu."

The mage heard the smile at her retort, but retreated to the inn all the same and smiling despite herself.

* * *

Lulu awoke the next morning as Yuna rose from the bed. Rikku was already awake and fully alert as she bounced about the room. How she retained this bottemless well of energy overnight, the mage was not sure. Lulu followed the summoner up and the three of them left the room. A few steps from the door, Rikku sidled up to the black mage with a shy smile. Lulu glanced at the young girl with subtly questioning eyes.

"You have a very pretty singing voice."

Lulu could feel the pink marring her cheeks, but murmured her thanks to the blonde girl who promptly brightened and welcomed the woman.

"Eh, did Lu karaoke last night? I'm sorry I missed it." Wakka joined the troupe of girls as they entered the lobby to the inn and stretched, exchanging his lopsided grin for Lulu's glare. Tidus, following close behind and seemed like he wanted to inquire after this karaoke business but quickly changed tactics at the mage's expression. He caught up to Yuna and Rikku instead as they exited the inn.

Auron awaited them all at the entrance to the plains; the same place Lulu had left him last night. She wondered if he had moved at all.

"Let's go." He said simply, back to his curt way with words as Yuna, Tidus, and Rikku skipped ahead of him down the alcove. Kimarhi trailed solemnly behind the three and Auron following after.

"I hope the plains will be forgiving to the guardians who did not sleep last night," Lulu said mildly to the air, hiding her smile when Auron's hand twitched.

"Lightening favors those who wield it." The man replied without turning. Wakka looked between the pair of guardians in confusion.

"What was dat about?" he said.

"It's nothing, Wakka."

The former blitzball captain looked around suspiciously then leaned towards Lulu and spoke in a low voice.

"How did you know I didn't sleep well last night?"

* * *

**Author's Note: I actually did have a lullaby in mind when I was writing this story and it was the lullaby from Pan's Labyrinth. It was very simple but very moving all the same. I listened to it a few times and just got this backstory idea for Lulu. Now, I know it's kind of tough to believe Lulu could remember all that as a five-year-old--I mean--she even confesses she only rememered them a little. I myself was a feral child and I remember places more than what my parents were like when I was that age; but for the sake of fantasy, there you have it. **

**Auron was particularly tough to write this time around! I wanted him to be perceptive, but I think I made him a little too all-knowing. And I still love these two playing off each other with the teasing and banter whenever I can work it in. I always put Lulu in those emotional predicaments though (shakes head); I make things hard to write. Haha! Either way, I adore these two together and I still wish I could find more on them as a pairing.**

**I also hoped I captured a different side to Lulu. That she can be a bit unsure and shy when sharing personal matters and what being a surrogate mother/sister must have been like. I really wanted to explore that particular "side" and invent my own backstory (because I love doing that). I only hope I delievered that efficiently and...believably.**

**This was another long one so please help me out by pointing out errors! And I appreciate your reviews! So please, do!**

**Blackfire 18**


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